Do you know what it feels like to have your spouse do you – not just bringing you to orgasm or have sex – but really do you?

Do you know what it feels like to do your spouse?

The fine art of doing and being done in sex.

At it’s core is power. And the fact is that negotiating power is part of every human relationship.

Almost everything in our society teaches equity, so do many therapists. The message they try to get across is this: the ideal partner is to be one of absolute equality in every area of the relationship.

The Exception: Equity and Sex

I’ve got news for you – equity has no place when it comes to eroticism. The ability to take your partner (or be taken by them) embodies a lusty, lascivious eagerness for pleasure. This isn’t crudeness – quite the opposite – it’s a deliberate intent to arouse (and satisfy) passion.

If you’re one of the many who’ve yet to experience this level of passion and eroticism in marriage, or if you’ve had a taste of it but it faded over time, don’t worry. For most people, the eroticism and level of passion I’m talking about ripens in later life.

It involves tapping into the male and female energy found in a couple’s union. The Yin and the Yang, to use Eastern terms. When you tap into this within yourself and your spouse, you form the energy loop that Tantric sex has focused on for centuries.

This energy creates the “follow the connection” types of sexual encounters. The times when you feel like your spouse “knows” you completely and can send you over the edge whenever they choose to do so. In essence, they have power over you – and wielding this power produces an erotic pleasure within themselves.

Many people in our culture are afraid of this power. It’s labeled as bad or something dirty. It’s something Nice Guys and Nice Girls would never do.

But, it’s an aspect of every one of us.

So how do you reach this level of eroticism and sexual passion?

The short answer is grow up and develop this part of you.

For many people, this part of themselves is yet to be born.

If you think it has reached maturity in you, answer me this: When your partner really ticks you off, how do you react? Can you lovingly and passionately integrate the anger and aggression you feel towards your spouse and turn it into something useful and life-giving ? Or are you more likely to react to the anger and do anything you can to get away from your spouse? Can the fact that your spouse is different and separate from you be a turn on rather than a turn off?

Fully creating this part in your life involves learning how to acknowledge the aggression and anger towards your spouse (which is in all of us), soothing yourself, mastering yourself, and “growing” through the discomfort.

When we climb into bed with our spouse, we each carry different expectations, hopes, plans, and passions to the experience about to unfold.

Sex for Men and Sex for Women

Let’s face it, on a basic biological level men and women are different. Arousal, pleasure, eroticism, power, even orgasms are different.

Many men can be quite envious of a woman’s orgasm. Look at the differences between us, when a man has an orgasm, while the feeling is great it seems to pale in comparison to a woman’s. A woman is capable of full body orgasms. It seems to pulsate like waves throughout her entire body. Plus, and the biggest source of male envy, a woman is capable of wave after wave. A man has to have some recovery time. Just look at the different faces and expressions between the two sexes and you’ll get confirmation of the difference.

So rather than focus on the differences that separate you and your spouse, what if you brought more of yourself to the party? And they brought more of themselves?

Could you handle that?

Many of you will quickly reply … yes!

Really though?

Think about it this way, to my male readers, can you really handle a full grown woman? One who knows what she wants sexually and how she wants it? A woman in touch with her raw, animalistic nature? This will require more of you, perhaps MUCH more of you! It may mean that after you’ve experienced your orgasm you have to stay around for hers. It may mean you have to submit to her power, or you have to over-power her and truly take her.

And to my female readers, are you ready for a full grown man? Someone in touch with his power, or what Robert Bly refers to as the deep male? A man in tune with his raw, animalistic nature? This too, will require more of you.

If you’re interested in creating this part of you and your relationship, here’s a few ideas to help get you started. Realize however, that this developing takes time and growth to be fully born out in your life and marriage.

1. Slow down. This is the number one thing I tell every couple I work with when it comes to sex. I understand the desire to rush things, because the longer the process of sex lasts, the more likely some things will surface within you that are uncomfortable. Slow down. When the discomfort within you arises, face it head on.

2. Breathe. Much like the previous point, spend some time throughout the entire process just breathing. Focus on your breathing, and matching your partner’s breathing.

3. Speak up, but not with words. Use your body. Your movements. Your power. Watch each other feel the process. And let yourself be seen. Use words when needed for direction, but also use moans, groans … you get the idea.

Surrendering and growing into this part of you is no simple matter. Doing your spouse, or allowing yourself to be done, involves “standing on your own two feet.” It’s not forcing yourself on your spouse – it’s a letting go with your spouse.

Tapping into eroticism and new levels of passion requires tremendous personal integrity. It takes a great deal of integrity to face head on the demands and challenges of exploring your sexual potential.

But you know what? Every one of us has some untapped sexual potential just waiting to be discovered.

You can place two violins next to each other, pluck the string on one of them and the corresponding string on the other violin will vibrate. It recognizes its own wave. Marriage and sex can be the same. You and your spouse can resonate with each other, creating your own music together.

So what do you say? Don’t just make music with your spouse, create a symphony together!

Offered by our myBIGearth friend Corey Allan at LoveRomanceRelationship.com

Technorati Tags eroticism, sex, sex drive, sexual passion

When distrust, arises in a relationship there are many factors which can be causing it.  Unless we understand where these feelings are coming from, it becomes easy to act out, blame the partner and put all kinds of unhealthy demands upon them.  We can even believe that they are cheating when they are not.

When feelings of distrust arise, some begin to create more and more restrictions upon the partner, demand more information and make them feel closed in.  This often can be the beginning of the end. In all relationships every individual needs time alone, time with friends and of course time together.

When we take away a person’s individuality and freedom to grow, sooner or later the individual feels trapped.  Not only does this destroy your partner’s trust and good feelings about themselves, but they can easily grow to feel that there is no way to ever make you secure and happy.

The Best Way To Develop Trust Is To Take A Moment To First Understand Some Basic Laws Of Healthy Relationships, And What Love Truly Means

Loving another person does not mean possessing them, or having them there to make you feel better about yourself.

This is not loving or respectful of who they are. Instead we are turning them into an object, who exists to meet our needs. We are then, not loving, but using that person.

We all must develop basic trust in our partners and ourselves from within.

If a partner is truly not deserving of trust, then tracking their behavior and restriction their lives will not help at all.

In fact, it usually makes matters worse. The person simply goes underground, or finds other ways to sabotage the relationship, in order to gain their freedom.

Some Individuals Are Filled With Distrust Because They Never Resolve Past Hurts About Being Cheated On In A Former Relationship

They then project this hurt and insecurity upon the partner they are with now. A current relationship cannot take away old wounds.

Each person must take time and responsibility to work through what happened and the feelings they were left with as a result of it.

Sooner or later they must realize that their partner is different and their situation is a new one as well.

If one requires that their present partner take away the pain they are feeling, they are looking in the wrong direction.

No matter how loving a person is, no matter how solid the relationship, they cannot take away pain and confusion that exists within oneself. Each person must face their feelings and work them through on their own.

There Are Many Ways To Build Self-Esteem And To Feel Safe Once Again In A Relationship

Just as we work out in a gym each day, we need to work on ourselves emotionally to build the strength we need to combat fear and negativity.

One exercise that can be used is – to consciously look for the good – both in your partner and yourself.

Whenever you find yourself dwelling upon negativities step back, take a deep breath, and consciously choose to focus upon what is good and right in both of you.  This will create calm, balance and positivity.

Doing this exercise, becoming calm and positive will not cause you to gloss over reality, but to be able to be focused and even better aware of what’s going on.

Needless to say, in cases where the partner does not deserve to be trusted, when there is clear evidence of wrong doing, if you are calm and positive, you will then be able to make healthier, constructive choices for yourself.

Offered by our myBIGearth friend Brenda Shoshanna at LoveRomanceRelationship.com

Technorati Tags freedom, healthy relationships, relationship, restriction

It’s not the excitement factor. People always talk about the allure of “bad boys,” but I don’t think that’s it. It’s not physical attraction. I don’t care how hot someone is, that’s not enough to make you overlook horrible behavior forever. It isn’t chemistry. It isn’t stupidity. It isn’t some romanticized “Beauty and the Beast” or “opposites attract” scenario.

The real reason we “fall” for people who treat us like crap?

We haven’t learned to love ourselves.

If we don’t have compassion for ourselves, don’t respect ourselves and haven’t made friends with ourselves, we aren’t ready to expect that from anyone else. Want to have a great relationship? Work on your relationship with you first. Take a look inside and get that sorted out. We’re all broken—that’s a given. That isn’t the problem at all! And giving love…giving is easy. It’s easy to love. I think one reason we fall for “douchebags” is because they don’t really care if you let them in—they are happy just taking.

The hard part? Looking honestly at ourselves. Making friends with ourselves enough to look someone in the eye and trust them enough to let them love us back. It’s harder to believe that we deserve to be deeply loved and really let someone in.  It starts with maitri:

“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes. ”

~ Pema Chodron

Brought to you by our myBIGearth friend Kate Bartolotta at Elephant Journal

Technorati Tags allure, bad boys, great relationship, healthy relationships, relationship work

For many of us, it can be the most spiritual human experience. But our Western culture rarely views sex in that context. (Especially if you’re a Republican running for President!) Sex is often debased and degraded as little more than a primal nuisance we haven’t yet outgrown. But, this potent, magical practice has the power to give life, not just to each of us, but also to a deeper understanding and communion with an elusive, etheric world, if we’re willing to go further than the perceived end goal of Orgasm.

Without getting into a play-by-play, how-to-Tantra lesson (there are PLENTY of books and websites that can help you with that), here’s a look at some of the incredible reasons for developing a Tantric sex practice.

1. Deeper Connection: Couples that have explored in earnest a Tantric practice report lasting feelings of closeness, and an ability to overcome issues better than before. Eye contact, syncing up breath, and more awareness of your partner help bring the relationship to another level.
2. Patience: Part of the art of Tantra is taking it slow. Yes, that can mean awkward moments abound (which many of us try to avoid in sexual relationships with dark rooms and eyes closed). But working through the confusing Tantric positions, the meditation of holding back orgasm, and the conscious connection with your partner develops the important skill of being patient.
3. Problem Solving: Those Tantric Kama Sutra positions are not often easy to get into, especially for beginners and learning to prolong the experience without reaching an orgasm can require shifting positions and trial and error. The need to talk and work together in these less-than modest and vulnerable moments helps to expand our problem solving skills.
4. Creativity: Author and futurist, Barbara Marx Hubbard, says we benefit from embracing the practice of “supra-sexuality,” expressing one’s life purpose, creativity and empowerment to fully emancipate our potential. And just as sex is used to “create” human life, it can be used to create life projects by bringing attention and energy to your goals during intercourse.
5. Selflessness: In Tantra, you really do benefit from withholding your orgasm. Beyond procreation and pleasure, Tantric sex has the power of liberation—an ecstatic experience often compared to glimpsing into cosmic consciousness. Don’t fret if you don’t get there straight out of the gate, of course, especially if your partner seems to be drifting past you in the galactic goo. But supporting each other’s out-of-orgasm launch into the ethers helps us in remembering that giving really is better than receiving.
6. Empowerment: Please don’t confuse this with power. We’ve been doing that on this planet long enough. An authentic, organic sexual practice can humble us by stripping away pretenses and ego. Empowerment is what comes after that. Feeling like you no longer have anything to hide or be ashamed of brings a great sense of purpose, and an ability to express our deepest fears and our greatest loves. No more hiding under the sheets, folks. We’re in the future, now.

Resources:

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/tantric-sex-for-beginners-4-easy-tips.html

Brought to you by our myBIGearth friends at Organic Authority

Technorati Tags healthy relationships, sex, tantic sex, tantra

Kendrin R. Sonneville, Sc.D., R.D., from Children’s Hospital Boston and his colleagues evaluated 6,712 preadolescent and adolescent girls between the ages of nine and 15 as part of a study known as Growing Up Today. In it, the girls were evaluated and compared based on their consumption patterns of calcium, vitamin D, and dairy products, the latter of which is often attributed in marketing campaigns to building strong bones.

During the seven-year followup period, researchers discovered that 3.9 percent of the girls developed stress fractures, and that dairy and calcium intake did not appear to make a difference in stress fracture risk. Vitamin D intake, however, was clearly associated with stress fracture risk, as girls whose vitamin D intake was highest had the lowest rates of stress fractures, and vice versa.

“In contrast, there was no evidence that calcium and dairy intakes were protective against developing a stress fracture or that soda intake was predictive of an increased risk of stress fracture or confounded the association between dairy, calcium or vitamin D intakes and fracture risk,” said the authors about their findings, noting also that calcium intake was actually associated with an increased risk of stress fracture.

Calcium, of course, has been shown in other studies to strengthen bones, but this is only when it is consumed in proper balance with other bone-building nutrients like vitamin D, vitamin K2, and various essential minerals and fatty acids. Taking the right forms of calcium is also crucial, as many popular supplement forms are not easily metabolized in the body, and can actually cause bodily harm (http://www.naturalnews.com/034677_calcium_bones_vitamin_D3.html).

“Vitamin D is needed for calcium to enter bones, and a deficiency of this vitamin is a major risk factor for both osteoporosis and bone fracture,” writes Phyllis A. Balch, C.N.C., in her book http://www.naturalpedia.com.

Sources for this article include:  http://www.vitamindcouncil.org

Brought to you by our myBIGearth friend Ethan A. Huff at NaturalNews

Technorati Tags bone fractures, children's health, preadolescent, stress fracture, stress fractures, vitamin d

My friend Jonathan is self-employed and single. He talks about how it would be so nice to have a relationship in his life and yet I do not see him making the time for the process of dating. He tells me that his work is very demanding and that he is barely keeping up with his clients.

Having your own business or being self-employed is very challenging, as well as rewarding. Add being single to the equation and it can be a very lonely place to be. I was single while I ran a women’s clothing boutique. Although I worked incredible hours and had a 7 day a week operation, I made a concerted effort to date and meet people which eventually led me to meeting my husband. This is how I recommend you fit in dating into your hectic work schedule:

1. Get Clear on What your Life Goals and Priorities Are

What are your goals and priorities in life?

• Work
• Family
• Finding a life partner and getting married
• Community service
• Athletic activities
• Personal/ social activities

Rank them from 1 to 6, 1 being the most important. What came up for you during this exercise?

Next, where do you see yourself in 5 years? Would you be happy being single at that time? It’s time to be honest with yourself.

Just like you have a business plan for you business, you need to develop a life plan for you life. When you focus on obtaining and having the important things in life, they will happen for you.

2. Put your Personal Time on Your calendar and Stick to it!

When you decide to carve out some time for your personal life which may include the pursuit of meeting someone for a relationship, then make an appointment with yourself on your calendar. How many hours a week are you willing to commit to this endeavor?

You need to apply the same time management skills to your personal time as you do to your work time. Do you consider the event or activity for meeting people to date urgent , desirable or eventually need to do ?

Go ahead, put this date in your calendar and commit to keeping this appointment with yourself!

3. Decide on What Trade Offs You Are Willing To Make

Life is about trade offs. What are you willing to sacrifice to have what you want? It may be for a short time or a long time depending on your success on meeting the right person for you.

Are you willing to work less hours and make less money? Perhaps you would be willing to hire someone to do the work that is least desirable to you. I hired a bookkeeper even though I was very capable of doing the work myself. I ended up using a mailing service for my promotional materials when I did the labels for mailing myself early on in my business. I thought it was more important to free up my time for what I enjoyed rather doing the detailed, repetitive tasks. I hired smart college students to do some of the busy work for me. Even if you bring in help seasonally, it may free you up for a vacation or a long weekend!

Consider hiring an assistant to help you with writing letters, making appointments and following up with phone calls to your clients. Now virtual assistants are becoming very popular with business owners.

4. Use Efficient Dating Techniques

There is a time cost and benefit to every singles event and dating service available to you. Once you have a handle how much time a week you want to put towards dating then you need to decide how much financial resources you want to devote to these endeavors.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get a real clear picture of your values. Your values are what are most important to you in life. For instance, kindness and compassion may be very important to you. Therefore, this is what you would want in a mate as well. Once you have your values constructed, then you have guideposts for which you can evaluate your potential partner.

Next, it’s important to get clear idea on what you want in life. Do you want children? If not, you need to be clear with your potential dates that you are not interested in children. You may not even want to date divorced people with kids. Then opposite may be true as well. If you want children and someone doesn’t then there is no point pursing a relationship with this person. This will save you much time and anguish!

Now you are ready to see who is out there and who will be best suited for you. If you are willing to spend the money, you may consider a reputable matchmaker or dating service. The internet can be a good way to meet people to date. You can search the net at all hours of the day or night; however, it may take a lot of searching and weeding out. It can be very frustrating when people do not return your emails. Try more than one site. Different sites will produce different results. See my resource page on my website http://www.heartmindconnection.com/resources.html for a list of dating internet sites you may want to consider.

Last, ask friends, family or perhaps business associates who know you well to introduce you to people to date. Tell them what you are looking for in a mate so they can be helpful to you. Don’t be shy to ask them to fix you up. One of my clients was very good about getting the word out that she was looking to meet someone to date. She eventually got fixed up with someone she really likes.

5. Combine Fun and Recreation with Meeting People

What is fun and relaxing for you? It is not healthy to work all the time and not have any play!

If you enjoy socializing, then the singles events may help you get out and be with people. Who knows, you may pick up a client if not a date! For the athletic types, sports activities such as biking groups or tennis parties may be a way to have fun and meet someone to date. If you are into working out to keep your shape and stamina, then the gym can be a place to meet those of the opposite sex who also share this desire to keep fit. Perhaps you will entertain taking a ski trip or a hiking trip with a singles group.

Taking vacations are critical to maintaining sanity for an entrepreneur. If you love traveling, you may consider joining a singles travel group to see various parts of the world. There are even singles cruises for those who enjoy traveling by sea. I know a woman who loved yoga and found a travel group that incorporated daily yoga into the trip. Imagine finding your soul mate while doing what you truly love!

As an entrepreneur, you have already experienced what happens when you have a vision of what you want and focus on that goal. You have built your thriving business with your drive and determination. You can also have a fulfilling relationship if you apply your same drive and determination to that area of your life. It may just take some re-balancing of your energy and focus. Nonetheless, the benefits of finding that rewarding romantic relationship can last a lifetime!

Brought to you by our myBIGearth friend Coach Amy Schoen at YourTango

Technorati Tags dating, entrepreneur, healthy dating

Divorce is said to be one of the most profoundly painful experiences that a human being can survive. It’s often tied to a profound fear that the pain will never end. It’s been compared to the stages of death because the experience is often one of not only losing your marriage, but also, yourself. It reaches out and changes not only the couple, but also the children, family, friends, business associates, and overall community that make up the interwoven support system of the couple. As a marriage and family therapist and a divorce survivor, this article comes from firsthand personal and professional experience with divorce recovery. Study: Women Gain Weight After Marriage, Men After Divorce

There is no right way to grieve.

According to Fredda Wasserman, Clinical Director of Adult Programs and Education at Our House Grief Support Center, “Absolutely nobody grieves correctly, according to everybody else.” Similar to other types of grief experiences, the death of a marriage is not just a moment in time, but a process that is filled with many different feelings. Grief is not linear! In other words, you cannot just pass through the stages of shock, denial, anger, and acceptance in a well-defined order. Divorce, like grief, is chaotic and circular, with the stages changing daily or moment-to-moment.

It is normal for the initial stage and the first emotion to be one of shock. Psychological shock in response to an event or situation can cause great distress and disruption in our lives. People react differently to shock. Some turn inward and retreat socially, withdrawing from friends and social contacts. “Psychological runners” ,as they are called, might have a difficult time acknowledging that this is really happening. Other people might reach out and spend time telling anyone who will listen every detail of how they have been hurt in their divorce. This becomes the “story” that they use to define them from this point forward while they are grieving. They might increase their social interactions and create even more chaos in order to numb the pain and reality of this experience. Interspersed with shock comes the denial and anger.

When my husband left me suddenly during the holiday season, there seemed to be no warning. After the initial shock, my grief experience was one of intense anger woven together with denial, guilt, shame, and a loss of my identity as a wife. It is normal to experience depression during the initial stages of a divorce. A marriage is a support system that helps define us in the world. With the loss of a marriage, our world is suddenly smaller. We not only lose our partner, but also might find that our social system is shrinking. Loss of family members and friends can force us to redefine our sense of how we identify ourselves in the world. This “letting go” of the world we knew can have a profound influence on our sense of security. The inability to accept these sudden changes can challenge even the most positive individuals.

How long will the sadness last?
Since the grief experience is not linear, and there is no right way to grieve the loss of a marriage, it is difficult to know how long the grief will last. I have heard that for every 10 years of marriage, it takes one year to recover. If that equation is correct, then my 30 year marriage would take approximately three years of divorce recovery work. In fact, about a year into my recovery process, I moved into the stage of acceptance and forgiveness. I decided that the only way to move forward was to let go of the anger.

Change involves letting go, and requires a psychological and physical “movement” in order to begin the healing process. This shift in my thoughts contributed greatly to lifting my depression and sadness over the loss of my marriage. When this stage occurs depends on many factors, such as, who wanted the divorce, was there another party involved in the failed marriage, how much bitterness is there between the couple, are there children and custody issues, who get’s the dog, and the legal system. The worst thing about a divorce is coming home to an empty house at the end of the day. Loneliness can intensify the depression and sadness. Even though most marriages were “broken” long before the time of the divorce, there was still the companionship of having the physical presence of your partner.

After overcoming the shock of divorce, I encourage you to try these steps:

• Turn toward a renewed relationship with God, a higher power, or spirituality
• Find a few friends and family members to form an emotional support system.
• Make a list of your challenges and resources.
• Contact an attorney to assist you through the legal process.
• Find a Divorce Recovery Support Group or individual therapist to help you process your feelings.
• Be kind to yourself and set aside time for journaling, deep-breathing exercises, or any practice that allows you to relax and collect our thoughts.
• Remember that there is no right way to grief the loss of a marriage.

Finding a new identity is an important part of the healing process.
Learning to be alone, forming new friendships, and finding a new home can be both frightening and exciting. Some people go through this process quickly and others never make it. If the depression is not lifting and the grief is long lasting, you might be experiencing complicated grief. It is important to listen to your “self-talk” and question if your depression prevents you from moving into the stage of acceptance. You might want to seek counseling to help you determine if the sadness you are experiencing is more serious and needs professional treatment. There are divorce support groups offered at local churches, synagogues, and community centers, or you can seek help from a professional therapist who specializes in divorce recovery.

Offered by our myBIGearth friend y Debra Warner at YourTango

Technorati Tags divorce, divorce recovery, grief support, marriage and family

When you’ve been through numerous failed relationships and breakups it’s hard to hold on to your sense of self-worth.

You might begin to doubt yourself and think there must be something wrong with you. Why else wouldn’t you be able to hold on to a man? Your self-esteem drops and drives you more into yourself making you feel “left out” of the world of happy couples.

I remember after one particularly awful breakup, with a man who cheated on me with one of my girlfriends, my confidence was so shaken I didn’t recognize myself.

Inside I felt like a such a loser, I believed that I hadn’t been enough for him. I felt invisible and worthless, like the walking wounded. In fact, I noticed that anywhere I went men didn’t look at me anymore, not even to check me out!

If this sounds familiar it’s because you’ve taken on the “failure” of your relationships as your fault. If you had just been prettier, more loving, less pushy or more sexy, he might not have broken up with you. You just weren’t good enough to make the relationship work.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that you blame yourself for the breakups and stop there. You’re so devastated by yet another romantic failure that you mentally beat yourself up about it.
The Damage from Blaming Yourself for Breakups:

“Beating yourself up” is bad for you physically and mentally. It causes stress in your body and will keep you in a cycle of negative thinking.

But there is something you can do.

You can take control of your thoughts and go a step farther than blaming yourself. You can begin to look at every painful experience as if you created it to learn an important lesson.

There is “gold” to be mined from every heartbreak and disappointment — the gold is the valuable information that you learn about yourself so you can become a better woman.

Breakups Can Be a Positive New Beginning

In my case, when I finally decided to look at my experience as a learning opportunity, I had to admit I’d ignored the clues about my boyfriend’s infidelity because I was afraid to be alone again. Instead of facing the truth, I let it go on for way too long and hurt myself even more.

If you stop your thinking at self-blame, your ego wins and you’ll miss an chance to grow as a woman. It will also make you susceptible to the same painful experience happening again.

Decide to treat yourself well and learn rather than blame over breakups. You will become more aware and confident with each new experience and feel a growing sense of your own personal power.

I’m thrilled to be connecting with you here and I welcome your questions and your thoughts.

In the meantime don’t forget, things can change in an instant, don’t lose hope!

Offered by our myBIGearth friend Virginia Clark at LoveRomanceRelationship.com

Technorati Tags breakup, failed relationships, happy couples, relationship work, self worth

A relationship based in mutual growth is a wonderful adventure of discovery.

To cultivate a deeper sense of self, to develop the values of integrity, honesty and transparency; to uncover the life force that beats within each of us and inspires us to be the best we can be as human beings; to realize our highest aspirations and to spark change for the common good — these are the fruits of a relationship based in growth.

Often we take for granted the time we spend with our families, our partners, our friends. Lost in the monotony of routine, we miss out on opportunities to love, to share, to celebrate life together. When we feel dissatisfied with life, we inevitably look to our partners, children or others to provide us with the affection and happiness we feel is missing. Yet if we are demanding love from another, the relationship will inevitably suffer, patience will soon run out and the joy of the relationship will be lost amongst reproaches and complaints, eclipsing the appreciation and gratitude that nurtures and causes growth.

Within a relationship, there is nothing more wonderful than two individuals taking responsibility for loving themselves, pushing each other into their greatness, supporting each other to be the best of themselves, to develop their potential and embrace full human consciousness.

Unfortunately, often in relationships we play small, stuck in insecurity and sheltering ourselves within the role of co-dependency. This habit must be broken, for it is not love, and playing small so as not to rock the boat doesn’t serve: It will never bring the happiness or the love we seek.

Even if you are not in a relationship, there are surely people around you whose words trigger emotions — reactions that sometimes feel like Pandora’s box being opened. These are the people you need to listen to most: They are the ones who are touching on the feelings you need to release. These repressed emotions are what prevents you from discovering the simple joy of being, that keep you trapped in self-judgement and dissatisfaction. Don’t analyze what comes up: just focus on loving that place, on recognizing and embracing the unknown, opening up to be transformed before your eyes. Without fighting, without saying no, with a yes from your intellect to your heart, receiving what emerges from within with open arms.

If we can do this with ourselves, then it will not be hard to give that same love to others, to share, to listen, to support. And in a world where the list of those in need grows constantly, what better way to contribute than to be the best of ourselves, to heal ourselves and see how, when we have emptied ourselves of the old, of that which held us back and kept us small, our full potential is unleashed from within. This will be reflected all around you: You will see it in your actions, your relationships, your creativity.

Internal transformation has a positive effect on everyone around you, at home and in your family, in your neighborhood, in your town. And what is the result of many people triggering this inner transformation at once? Truly loving relationships, sensitive and open hearts that are not afraid of losing something, for they are complete within themselves and know only to give. It will not be long before we create the world we have dreamed of living in, with the intellect at the service of the heart, instead of limited personal agendas focused on lack and external satisfaction.

But the first step is inward, toward yourself, opening to feel, responding with sensitivity, honesty and truth, without judgment. Give it a try. Then tell me what happens!

Isha Judd will be touring the US and Canada in May for the launch of her new book, Love Has Wings. Learn more at www.ishajudd.com

Offered by our myBIGearth friend Isha Judd at Huffington Post

Technorati Tags happiness, healthy relationships, honesty, insecurity, monogomy, sense of self, transparency

What are we doing to our children? As more and more Americans develop alcohol dependence problems and choose not to get help, more of our country’s children are suffering.

Alcoholic Parents

Parents are the ones who are supposed to protect children, the ones who talk to them about the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, the ones who provide a stable living situation for kids to come home to. But unfortunately, many parents are failing at that task. A new report released by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) paints a bleak picture of family life in the United States. On average, 7.5 million children — about 10.5 percent of the country’s under-18 population — lived with a parent abusing alcohol during any given year between 2005 and 2010. (1) Some 6.1 million children live in two-parent households where one or both parents suffered from alcohol abuse. The remaining 1.4 million lived in a single-parent home where the adult had a drinking problem. (2)

Effects of Alcoholism

This means that one in 10 children are being subjected to the effects of alcoholism in their own home. We certainly can’t expect that these children are getting a very good anti-substance abuse message in their home; How can we expect these kids to stay away from alcohol when they are exposed to it every day in their home? Children of alcoholics are at greater risk for anxiety disorders, depression, and academic delay. They are more likely to suffer abuse or neglect, and they are more likely to become alcoholics themselves someday.

Many alcoholic parents feel they are functional and that they are sparing their children from the worst details of alcoholism because they can still hold down a job and put food on the table. This is a serious problem though. No child should have to live with an alcoholic parent, and the prevalence of this, according to the study, is alarming.

SAMHSA Administrator Pamela S. Hyde said, “The enormity of this public health problem goes well beyond these tragic numbers as studies have shown that the children of parents with untreated alcohol disorders are at far greater risk for developing alcohol and other problems later in their lives.” (3)

Helping Children of Alcoholics

Last week was Children of Alcoholics Week. This event hasn’t exactly caught on across the country yet, because it still doesn’t make many news headlines, but we should make it a point to dedicate time and resources to solving this problem for our youth. “SAMHSA and others are promoting programs that can help those with alcohol disorders find recovery – not only for themselves, but for the sake of their children. SAMHSA is also playing a key role in national efforts to prevent underage drinking and other forms of alcohol abuse,” Pamela Hyde added. (3)

Sources

(1) Alcoholism: One in 10 U.S. Kids Have Alcoholic Parent
(2) 1 in 10 kids have an alcoholic parent, according to U.S. government study
(3) Alcohol Problems
1 in 10 US children has alcoholic parent
http://www.treatmentsolutionsnetwork.com/?cpao=304

Toll Free Helpline : 1- 866-359-6320

Offered by our myBIGearth friends Bethany Winkel at Treatment Solutions Network

Technorati Tags alcohol, alcoholics, alcoholism, children, children of alcoholics, drug and alcohol abuse, effects of alcoholism